Adventures in Speed Dating

This article appeared in the Valentine's Day edition of the paper in 2005. For research, I went to an Speed Dating event in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. Because my editor at the time didn't like first person stories, I had to invent "Barry" to be my surrogate in the article.

In the corner of the bar, a lonely old lady nurses a half-filled glass of white wine. Her face is a mirror to every romantic disappointment and bitter dissolution of long ago love affairs.

"I don't want to end up like that," Barry confesses over a Miller Lite and a cigarette. "Drinking alone in a bar, surrounded by young people, who must be a constant reminder of the potential of love that will probably never be realized."

He shudders.

"Barry" is no stranger to the dating scene; no stranger to internet dating services and the occasional, "I have a friend who is a perfect for you," blind date. So, he decided to give Speed Dating a try.

"A friend of mine from the office suggested it," Barry explains. "She had heard about it on the news, and didn't want to go alone. So I said, 'Sure,I'll give it a shot'."

In a mad dash to not be alone for Valentine's Day, Barry-a 28-year-old writer from Bogota-accompanied his friend to the Verbena Bistro at the Holiday Inn on Route 17 in Hasbrouck Heights.

Moderated by Irina Tesoriero, 8 Minute Dating sets up single men and women on several 8 minute dates over the course of an evening.

The singles are given a scorecard, and name tags with their first name and an ID number. On the scorecard is a schedule that lists the date number and the table number for that assigned date.

On that Tuesday evening last week, nearly 20 single men and women-between the ages of 25 and 35-brought their hopes for romance to the banquet room of the Verbena Bistro, which was decorated with hearts and Cupids for the holiday season.

As the event begins, the singles find their assigned tables for their first date of the evening. Barry finds himself with an attractive brunette named "Jenna."

Tesoriero explained the ground rules. The participants cannot ask for personal information, like last names or phone numbers, and they cannot set up second dates on their own. The point of this service is to provide a safe dating environment.

For the next 8 minutes, they discuss restaurants, travel, and "what they do for a living." Barry said later that he, "was really digging her. She was interesting; good conversation. But she talked a little too fast, and was a little too chatty, but it was her first time doing this, so she was probably as nervous as I was."

On his scorecard, next to her name and ID number, Barry checked the two boxes that would be used over the course of the evening to rate the date. The three options for the post-date wrap-up are 2nd Date, Friendship, and Business Contact.

For Jenna, Barry marks the 2nd Date and Friendship options.

At the beginning of the event, Tesoriero explained that the participants can select all three options if they really liked the person and wanted to pursue some kind of relationship after the dates are over. All they had to do was go to the Web site -- www.8minutedating.com -- where they registered for the event and sign in using their e-mail address and password.

The participants are then guided through the matching process. Using the names and ID numbers of the evening's dates, they would then select the options they chose for each date. If there is a match, a screen appears with that person's contact information.

Also listed on the back of the scorecard are suggested conversation topics, in case the date falls into an awkward lull-which Barry found would happen regularly for the first couple of dates, till he became more comfortable with the situation.

"It's amazing how quickly you can pick up on a person's personality type, even within the seemingly short span of 8 minutes," Barry commented during the halftime break. "It's almost like a game show, 'Spot the Personality Quirk.'."

Like the one date who kept looking around the room for "better prospects."

"First of all, she had that glazed over, deer caught in headlights look about her. She clearly was not engaged in our conversation; she was really just waiting for her turn to speak. It's like what I was saying was going in one ear and out the other. And then, when I casually glanced down to the cheat sheet for conversation topics, she got offended. 'You think I'm boring? I'm boring to you?' Right away, I knew she had to be insecure. Too bad, she was cute, too."

Perhaps his favorite date of the evening was "Erica," the petite blonde with "amazing green eyes and a warm smile." Barry had his liveliest conversation with this 27-year-old retail buyer from Lodi.

"She was a lot of fun to talk with. Erica was the first girl that I had a real conversation with. I think we really hit it off. There was definitely some kind of chemistry. When the buzzer sounded to end the date, I didn't want to move on; I wanted to hang out with her for a while."

Barry checked all three options for Erica on his scorecard.

Perhaps the worst date of the evening for Barry came in the form of "Linda,"a 31-year-old woman from Clifton who spent half their date in the ladies room.

"She had an allergy attack," Barry explained matter-of-factly. "The flowers on the table irritated her allergies, her eyes started to water and her nose got runny. I hate to say it, but I welcomed the disruption. There was something...off...about her. Honestly, she came across as being a little crazy. Not my type."

Next to her name Barry wrote two simple words, "No way."

As the event comes to a close, several participants find their way into the adjacent lounge for drinks and a postgame wrap-up.

"It's amazing how relaxed the atmosphere was. Before I got here, I was kind of nervous, but after awhile I got into it and was more comfortable."

Barry stamps out his cigarette, settles up with the bartender, and prepares to head out. The lonely old lady with the half-filled glass of wine hangs around, a specter of what could go wrong in the world of the single person.

Epilogue

Barry got to work the next day and immediately signed on to the Web site. With anticipation mounting, he filled out the preliminary survey about the quality of the event.

Then came the moment of truth. He selected the women he wanted to get to know a little better and hit "Submit".

Five grueling seconds later, the Match screen appeared.

He had two matches. Both were for "Friendship"; one of them was his friend who dragged him to the event.

The other one was Erica.

"She selected the 'Friendship' option, and that's cool. I can live with that. At least I wasn't rejected."